Return of the living girl monsters

Is it safe? Halloween is over, right?

I wish people would not associate me with that horrid holiday. Have humans forgotten the meaning of Halloween? I’m a demon girl. Your human Halloween is the day to scare off evil spirits and demons. Well, I’m scared. Of your costume parties where you dress as a sexy nurse or Batman. Who the heck are you warding off? Sequels and harlots, I suppose.

Prepay = Delay

New lessons are learned every day. Each one makes me more cynical. Lesson #7,734: Don’t prepay for anything. You think you’re doing the right thing, but in reality if it’s goods, they will arrive when they feel like; and if it’s services it will turn into the worst service possible.
Money is like the carrot on a stick. Don’t give money to the donkey ass
or he’ll forget why he got it in the first place.

Chiller Theater Returns!!!

I haven’t posted in a while; but, hey, I get all kinds of busy before Halloween.

Heads up if you are in the NY area, or get WPIX Channel 11, they are bringing back Chiller Theater! Remember that six fingered hand that emerged from a puddle of blood to eat the letters in “CHILLER?” Then it would sink back down with that eerie “Chiller,” voice. Well, I don’t, you old coot. I’m still young and pretty.

Here’s a link to the Channel 11 WPIX announcement:
http://www.wpix.com/wpix_chiller_theatre

Also, here’s a link to the original Chiller opening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ux3laLkueZk

We all know all YouTube links don’t necessarily last, so here’s a search for more:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=chiller&search_type=&aq=f

It’s not the heat

It’s great to finally feel some of this humidity go away. I mean the ignorance that I have to deal with on a daily basis leaves me flabbergasted. Wait… what? Oh, did I say humidity? It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.

Someone couture than me

I don’t know much how to dress. I just look for dresses with holes in the back so my wings are more comfortable. And I’m not much of a fashionista. You’ll find me happy (or the demon equivalent) with a plain black or purple outfit. A little pink is nice too.

If I was going to consult with a designer, Cassandra would be the one. Her Goth Girl Fashions are beautiful romantic reflections of her talent. The detail that goes into her work is phenomenal! And the influences are far more than simple Gothic style. She weaves in her own mix of Asian and Victorian along with the ever-effective and beautiful human skull.

Click for Cassandra’s work.

Take the bitter with the tweet

I can’t stress enough the importance of sleep. Getting enough Zs make you beautiful. Skipping on sleep is just going to make you cranky — ugly on the inside and on the outside.
When I sleep I like to wake up without an alarm so I wake up naturally. If only those stupid birds outside would stop squawking. They call that music?

Lovely leather we’re having

I did a search online to find out how to clean leather so that I wouldn’t have to get my jacket cleaned professionally. Let me just warn you, it’s worth getting it done professionally.
The advice I found was to mix 1 part vinegar with 2 parts linseed oil. Rub that mixture on the leather and let it sit over night before rubbing it off with a dry lint-free cloth. Well I never got around to the second part.
Think about it. Vinegar and oil? Sounds like a salad. Smells like a marinade. It was delicious.

Two-face jokers

Two-face friends. Everyone knows one. They talk smack about you behind your back, and smile pretty full of compliments when you’re together. There’s enough drama in life (and undead life) that we don’t need to artificially add to this. Let’s make a pact. Human or monster. If you’ve got a two-face joker for a friend just flip a coin. Heads you drop them like a hot potato, and tails you stick their face in potato salad.

So long, and angst for all the fish

If you are a moody, angst-ridden teenager, take heart, and tell your parents to get off your back. You mind is developing, and your mood swings and emo feelings are part of that process. Own it. Then as soon as you can, get over it, you big, fat baby.

Vampires rights out of left field

My sister LilyBat is definitely going to be watching this show (whatever it is). Looks like HBO is starting an ad campaign for a show about vampires living in modern society. Sounds a lot like the situation in the Charlaine Harris novels that goody two-shoes Abby Cadaver reads.

americanvampireleague.com

Wrinkles in time

You might be young now, but watch out for the sun. It will age you in time. It’s great if you start using some kind of sunblock early. You want to look young for as long as you can — especially if you are immortal like me. 90% of wrinkles are caused by ultra-violet exposure from the sun. The other 10% of wrinkles are caused by lazy people who sit in the dryer too long before folding.

Gender contender

I can see by my new pole, that the information therein will be very helpful. I’ve always known that boys are stinky losers, and I’m pleased to see so far only girls and women are reading my blog. Men wouldn’t understand it anyway.
Feel free to slap this graphic on your page to make boys stay away!

What color accent POLL RESULTS

What color do you accent black with?

35% • Purple
22% • Red
14% • Pink
10% • What accent? (just black!)
8% • Blue
4% • Green
4% • Something else

I like these stats!

Avoid the squeeze and pop

Remember, people! Acne brand pimples should never be pinched, picked or squeezed. Feel free to pinch, pick or squeeze your butt, but please keep your hands away from those pimples! They are like weeds in your garden with alien roots.

Long in the tooth, short in the bus

Everyone knows this. Wearing your Bluetooth phone device on your head while not in use is like wearing a big fat earing that says, “I’m a pretentious goofball.” The Bluetooth headset, however much it set you back is not the status symbol you want it to be. It shows that your status is stupid.
At least you won’t get brain cancer. The wireless waves bouncing around inside your skull will echo forever before they find any gray matter.

The Little Mercat

There was once a advertising tag line for swim-wear that said, “If you can’t drive a Jaguar, wear one.” I don’t know if that’s condescending or ignorant. Whichever it it, it’s not very clever. Bathing suits with animal prints first appeared in the 1950s. Cats in water. That makes sense. Then again, I can’t imagine that fish scales would be very attractive.

The buzz on bee pollen

I recently bzzt came across a suggestion for my allergies (yes, monsters get allergies). Bee pollen. At first I was all for it because bzzt I love honey, and if a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, a spoonful of honey is sure to do the trick too.
You have to take bzzt the bee pollen for several weeks before your allergy season starts, so I’m preparing early. My seasons pop up all year long, so I’m bzzt taking it all the time. It’s supposed to be good for you in so many more ways (just google it), but it tastes terrible. Raw honey can have bee pollen in it is de-lish, but plain bee pollen is just those little bzzt yellow balls that collect on bees’ legs when they go from flower to flower. They fall off the bees’ legs in the hive, and are bzzt collected and sold.
Well, that’s not so appetizing until you find out bzzt some of the pollen balls still have the legs attached. Now I take it every day just for the chance that I’ll get the delicious bee leg surprise!

bzzt

Holding patterns

I’ll tell you why I don’t like to fly commercially. The wings on my back can only take me so far. Trying to fly to another state with them would be like a human mortal walking from New York to Florida. Commercial airlines seem to be hep to this, so they take advantage, and have zero consideration for us as customers.
It’s bad enough it’s bags cost more to fly, and we have to go through idiotic security measures. Why is it flights are always delayed, and when you actually arrive 30,000 feet above your destination you’re stuck in holding patterns due to runway crowding and weather restrictions?
The up and down made my ears clog, and now I can’t hear myself think. Good thing too, because I think what I’m thinking are very bad words. You should see the subtitles in my mind.

Blood, sweat and fears

OMG, summer’s not even here yet, and it’s so hot! I found this tidbit of info on CNN’s website: A pea-sized bead of sweat can cool nearly 1 liter (about 1 quart) of blood 1 degree Fahrenheit.
That can’t be true. The blood on my fangs is pretty warm, and there was a lot of sweat involved in procuring it.

Get down, and get frizzy

These humid days are taking a toll on my hair. I can’t seem to escape the frizzies (or my annoying zombie neighbors). Here’s something I found out that works. During humid months, shampoo less often, and when you do leave the conditioner in longer. Also try combing hair out before wetting it, and just “finger combing” when it’s wet. Wet hair tends to break easier. Hair is strongest when it’s dry. That’s why they put your hair in a bun when you go to the guillotine.

I think, therefore they stink

My friends tell me not to worry about what other people think. I’m not sure that I do, but that’s what they think. Then they go and see the Takashi Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum without me. What were they thinking? What am I supposed to think?
I think they’re just jealous of me, and don’t want to be seen around a monster that’s prettier and smarter than they are. I can go the Takashi Murakami exhibit myself :(

I’m a deviant portrait

Sniffles have kept me away from people, so I’ve not had much to fuss about. After all, it’s people that do me in! Sorry for the blogging absence.
Well, back at it! I’m not sure what JITTERBUTTER™ is. Management’s not telling me much. But check out my adorable portrait that you can buy on deviantArt! Comes in many sizes. I hope you get one for yourself!

Clicky here!

Oh, the other girl monsters are there too. Not worth seeing though. Click if you want.

Hey, mister coffee bean man

Open note to people who count calories: Nobody cares that you count calories. When I’m in my local cafe trying to enjoy a morning soy almond zen cappuccino with lots of sugar and foam, I’m not interested in hearing how many calories are in it. Neither is the barista. If you had any awareness, you’d notice eyes rolling everywhere around you. We’re all looking at you, just like you wanted, but you’re making us all dizzy.

Cold feet on cold feat

I’ve got a case of the sniffles. I’ve heard a ton of strange remedies for treating a cold, but this one takes the cake: Warm your feet in hot water while soaking a thin pair of socks in cold water. Wring out the socks and put the cold socks on your warm feet. Put a pair of thick, dry socks over those, and head straight to bed. Supposedly, the wet socks draw your blood to your feet making your circulation work more efficiently, and helping with congestion. I’m not sure I’ll try it because it sounds so off-the-wall.
I’m interested to hear in the comments. Tell me the weirdest cold remedies you’ve heard of.

Annie Lennox, where are you?

You know the old saying, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” I’ve been wondering lately if that should be revised to “If you want something done at all you have to do it yourself.”