Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Little Mercat

There was once a advertising tag line for swim-wear that said, “If you can’t drive a Jaguar, wear one.” I don’t know if that’s condescending or ignorant. Whichever it it, it’s not very clever. Bathing suits with animal prints first appeared in the 1950s. Cats in water. That makes sense. Then again, I can’t imagine that fish scales would be very attractive.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The buzz on bee pollen

I recently bzzt came across a suggestion for my allergies (yes, monsters get allergies). Bee pollen. At first I was all for it because bzzt I love honey, and if a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, a spoonful of honey is sure to do the trick too.
You have to take bzzt the bee pollen for several weeks before your allergy season starts, so I’m preparing early. My seasons pop up all year long, so I’m bzzt taking it all the time. It’s supposed to be good for you in so many more ways (just google it), but it tastes terrible. Raw honey can have bee pollen in it is de-lish, but plain bee pollen is just those little bzzt yellow balls that collect on bees’ legs when they go from flower to flower. They fall off the bees’ legs in the hive, and are bzzt collected and sold.
Well, that’s not so appetizing until you find out bzzt some of the pollen balls still have the legs attached. Now I take it every day just for the chance that I’ll get the delicious bee leg surprise!


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Holding patterns

I’ll tell you why I don’t like to fly commercially. The wings on my back can only take me so far. Trying to fly to another state with them would be like a human mortal walking from New York to Florida. Commercial airlines seem to be hep to this, so they take advantage, and have zero consideration for us as customers.
It’s bad enough it’s bags cost more to fly, and we have to go through idiotic security measures. Why is it flights are always delayed, and when you actually arrive 30,000 feet above your destination you’re stuck in holding patterns due to runway crowding and weather restrictions?
The up and down made my ears clog, and now I can’t hear myself think. Good thing too, because I think what I’m thinking are very bad words. You should see the subtitles in my mind.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Blood, sweat and fears

OMG, summer’s not even here yet, and it’s so hot! I found this tidbit of info on CNN’s website: A pea-sized bead of sweat can cool nearly 1 liter (about 1 quart) of blood 1 degree Fahrenheit.
That can’t be true. The blood on my fangs is pretty warm, and there was a lot of sweat involved in procuring it.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Get down, and get frizzy

These humid days are taking a toll on my hair. I can’t seem to escape the frizzies (or my annoying zombie neighbors). Here’s something I found out that works. During humid months, shampoo less often, and when you do leave the conditioner in longer. Also try combing hair out before wetting it, and just “finger combing” when it’s wet. Wet hair tends to break easier. Hair is strongest when it’s dry. That’s why they put your hair in a bun when you go to the guillotine.

Monday, June 9, 2008

I think, therefore they stink

My friends tell me not to worry about what other people think. I’m not sure that I do, but that’s what they think. Then they go and see the Takashi Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum without me. What were they thinking? What am I supposed to think?
I think they’re just jealous of me, and don’t want to be seen around a monster that’s prettier and smarter than they are. I can go the Takashi Murakami exhibit myself :(

Friday, June 6, 2008

I’m a deviant portrait

Sniffles have kept me away from people, so I’ve not had much to fuss about. After all, it’s people that do me in! Sorry for the blogging absence.
Well, back at it! I’m not sure what JITTERBUTTER™ is. Management’s not telling me much. But check out my adorable portrait that you can buy on deviantArt! Comes in many sizes. I hope you get one for yourself!

Clicky here!

Oh, the other girl monsters are there too. Not worth seeing though. Click if you want.